


Sometimes the ghost haunting us is really just ourselves

by stay_off_my_lawn



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Continuation, F/F, Polis, am i seeing things or am i being haunted, and, why the heck is she ignoring me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-01
Updated: 2015-08-01
Packaged: 2018-04-12 08:02:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4471574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stay_off_my_lawn/pseuds/stay_off_my_lawn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by <a href="http://clarkeslexaa.tumblr.com/post/116559522971/but-can-we-talk-about-how-lexa-has-no-idea-clarke/html/">clarkeslexaa</a>: But can we talk about how Lexa has no idea Clarke left Camp Jaha to go to the woods by herself ... And Lexa hears this and she doesn’t know they’re upset because Clarke left she thinks that Clarke is dead. And she thinks it’s her fault. And she tries so hard not to break because she has to stay strong for her people and she sees Clarke every night in her dreams so thAT WHEN CLARKE ACTUALLY SHOWS UP IN POLIS SHE THINKS ITS JUST A DREAM BUT ITS REAL ANd she won’t care that someone else will see the tears falling down her face and she will stare at Clarke and barely be able to speak “How are you real?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sometimes the ghost haunting us is really just ourselves

It takes a couple months, but Clarke’s aimless wanderings eventually take her to Polis. She settles in easily enough. And without anything - or any one really - to hold her back, she commits herself fully to learning all she can about Trigedakru culture and their people.

Even with Polis as sprawled out as it has ever been, inevitably the Commander and her would cross paths, but luckily it has always been from a distance, because as much as Clarke has come to terms with herself - and her own actions - these past couple months, she is in no way ready to have /that/ conversation.

—–

The first couple times she thinks she sees Clarke near one of the markets, Lexa chalks it up to grief and scolds herself. _Clarke is gone. It’s just guilt playing tricks. Don't be weak and succumb to these feelings_. But when she starts seeing Clarke everywhere around the city, she starts to question her own sanity. 

But life goes on. And her people need her. 

During the day she is haunted. Sometimes it is the wave of blonde hair always just swimming out of sight around a corner; sometimes she can feel the sharp jab of the those deep blue eyes piercing the back of her head, only to have them disappear by the time she turns around; but more and more often it is unfamiliar faces that she sees and realizes she has never seen before, always so full of life and deprived of the weight on her shoulders, so young, so happy. _Is this what she was like before she fell from the stars?_ Lexa would give anything to feel what that laugh must sound like. Even if it is from only her ghost. 

At night in her dreams she beseeches Clarke’s ghost to let her go. _I’m sorry. I’m sorry I couldn’t be there. My people had to come first. I left you there, and you.., and it’s is all my fault, I know. I know, and I’m sorry, and I will never be able to forgive myself. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry…_ Eventually it becomes a prayer that she chants to put herself to sleep every night.

—–

This continues until one day Clarke finally runs out of excuses she could possibly make for Lexa to be avoiding her. As soon as she spots the Commander exiting a building on the other side of the plaza, she charges head first for her, weaving her way through the afternoon crowd, side stepping the guards who seem to be as stunned by her presence as the Commander is. She doesn’t stop until she is so close she can feel Lexa’s breath.

“What - is - your - damage ?!” 

Each word livid with emotions pushed aside for too long and accompanied with a harsh shove to the Heda’s chest. 

People crossing through stopped dead in their tracks and stared. It is absolutely unheard of for an unarmed person to get that close to the Heda without paying dearly for it instantly, let alone to have actually laid a finger on the Heda without so much of a response from the group of most elite warriors standing on guard, or Heda herself?! Who is this girl, and how powerful is she that she has frightened the mightiest of Trikru warriors known to history?

But Clarke is barely getting started. “What. is. wrong. with. you?!” she rages on, just inches from Lexa’s face. “You told me to come to Polis so I could understand. So I did. And I do understand. Now, more so than I ever did before. At least everything else. But you! You! What did I ever do to you for you to avoid me like this!? You know, I actually almost forgive you for leaving me at the mountain? How dare you ignore me after everything you’ve done?”

The hustle and bustle of the busy plaza tapers down dramatically as more and more passer-bys stop to watch. Isn’t that the girl who fell from the stars? What has she done with the Heda? Why is She just standing there? Even the guards start to look at each other, unsure of how to handle this since they all know the Skaikru Heda has always received special treatment.

“Twenty-six times I’ve seen you around and nothing! You stare at me everywhere I go but nothing!! I’m standing here now and still NOTHING!”

Exasperated, Clarke reaches out with both hands and makes to grab for Lexa’s shoulders to shake her awake. One row back, a young guard steps forward - a second, jittery with nerves and unfamiliar with everything that had happened between these two, bewildered that everyone else has willingly let this wild girl disrespect the Heda for so long - he unsheathes his sword and holds it to Clarke’s neck, a silent warning to stop while she can.

Seeing Clarke threatened instantly snapped Lexa back. She waves the guard off while keeping her eyes trained on her attacker.

—–

The noise from the market, her guards, the world, everything fades away as she inches closer to Clarke. And it’s almost as if it was just the two of them back in her tent in Tondc again. Almost.

“How are you real?” 

Lexa asks, barely above a whisper, afraid that anything louder will wake her up from this dream. She reaches slowly, timidly but distrustingly, to touch Clarke’s face. And when the mirage didn’t dissipate on contact like she was certain it would, she feels like she could finally breathe again, and the ghost inside her breaks free.

“You really are here.” 

Emotions and responsibilities and weakness be damned in that instant as she wrenches Clarke in for a bone crushing hug, not even caring that her face is now wet with tears, or that the sizable crowd of spectators surrounding them have started howling and cheering in celebration - of what, none of them really knows, except that legends will be made of this day, this day when their almighty Heda brought a ghost back to life.

—– 

As they pulled apart from the hug, Lexa couldn’t help herself, 

“It was twenty-seven times Clarke. You really must learn to count”


End file.
